The Porcupine's Quill

Scene III:
Those Lousy Pessimists Sometimes Make a Guy So Blue All He Wants to Do Is Run Amuck

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NARRATOR: I found myself in a land of misery through no fault of my own, no fault of my own, and I was walking off the blues, walking them off, casting these blues away the way a man would cast a fishing line, when this warm hand slid into mine, then this hand had become a full arm and that arm was encircling my waist, then that other hand was joining the action that other one was in the form of smooth fingers up over my face I was finding it difficult to walk with these, you might say, encumbrances, so I opened the one eye quite narrowly so as to spot the bench that I knew had to be around someplace and there the bench was so I sat down and the one hand quit my face and now both of those hands were up doing a rapture business over my face and then I felt this warm business over my lap so I slung open the eye about the width it would take a dime to slide through and in this slit I saw it was a ravishing woman taking up residence over my lap, I mean the part of this ravishing woman’s anatomy you might expect would be doing that sort of thing, and about then I detected this creature had a voice, a lovely voice, and this voice was saying

LOVELY VOICE: Shhh, lover, don’t say a word, and quite naturally I didn’t, wasn’t I speechless anyhow, and these beautiful lips were parted, I suppose, in the speaking of this Shhh don’t say a word, and they were quite close to my own lips, that much I could now see through the parted slits of both eyes, I who an hour ago had been told I was blind, yes, blind, yes blind and stupid and past the pale, just to mention a few things I had been told in the past hour and in fact over the past few days, though I was not dwelling on these harsh remarks at the moment because at the moment this ravishing woman’s lips were crushing mine and both those hands were up in my hair or behind my neck or elsewhere, the crying shame is I could hardly tell where those hands were so much were they everywhere, and that beautiful mouth too, I think without being obscene in the telling I can say that mouth was up and down and all over and along about this time I got my wits together, after all I was for all intent purposes a sane and adult human being and as one of those I felt compelled to say, Darling, who are you, darling who are you, and just like that the hands and face took leave of my person and I heard this frightful voice saying

FRIGHTFUL VOICE: Didn’t I tell you to shut your mouth can’t you do anything a woman tells you or are you just a fat stupid moron motherfucker without a brain in your head

NARRATOR: and by the end of this violent overlong outburst why naturally I had both eyes wide open and there were about a dozen people ringing my bench, mothers giving brisk shakes to baby carriages, little girls blowing bubble gum, teenagers with studded lips, and backpackers and couples weighed down with packages, and ruffians of every stripe, and all of them gawking, passing such remarks as

OUTRAGED PUBLIC: Disgraceful and in public too and Be ashamed of yourself!

NARRATOR: so I knew I had better escape that place fast and I did, I jumped up, I said Excuse me please, and I ran all the way home I ran fast as an antelope might scurry, and as I got home and rushed through the door there was this gasp to be heard, and Ms. Smith was running towards me, she was throwing her arms around my neck and all but smothering me, saying

MS. SMITH: Darling I was so worried I was in fear of your life

NARRATOR: and you might think by now I was a total ninny, but I wasn’t, I was giving her back exactly what she gave me and I knew in the fullness of my heart that she and I had cast off our blues and would live happily ever after, or as a lousy pessimist might say, which people this earth is entirely too full of, at least until tomorrow.

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